It's so weird to live with your heart in two worlds simultaneously. We moved 15 days ago from NYC which is currently being pummeled by Hurricane Sandy. I know I don't live there anymore. I stopped writing my astronomical rent checks, riding the subway, shopping at Fairway, running along the Hudson River, walking my dog in the park, terrorizing Hippo playground with the kids, but I've watched the news all day with anticipation of this big storm......that isn't coming anywhere near me in South Carolina. I read the Upper West Side blog I loved so much and search the news clips for specific warnings about my old neighborhood.
My head completely understands that I've moved on. That chapter in my life is closed....again. Yet, my heart remains open to that indescribable thing that IS Manhattan. I remember when Hurricane Irene came through just over a year ago--- my daughter was about 3 days old and we were buying water and snacks and candles and weathered a hurricane that didn't do any damage to our city. We had friends over and spent the entire day watching our boys play and passed around our newborn so everyone could get a snuggle. That was a moment when I felt like I was truly a New Yorker-- having just hailed a cab while in labor, giving birth in a hospital overlooking Central Park, getting home 2 days later and immediately getting prepared for the storm.
It's not that I'm not excited about the new chapter in my life.....it's just that my heart hasn't quite let go of the old one yet. I'm preparing for a storm that not's coming my way......preparing for damage that I won't physically feel. I'm wasting time and energy thinking about another life that is past and not focusing on the new one in front of me. I think it's time to let go and let this storm wash away the remaining strings to NYC that we've left behind.
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