Awhile

It's been awhile I realize.  As many of you know (and some may not), I've started teaching piano and voice lessons.  I have 12 students and I'm 8 weeks in.....it's been exhilarating, exhausting, emotional, challenging and truly energizing.  I may have found my 'thing.'  But all those thoughts are for another post.....of which I will never find time to write now that I'm wiped by 8:30 every night, eating sleeve after sleeve of Girl Scout cookies and reading books about vocal technique in my 'free' time.

It's been an interesting journey to go back to work after 3 years doing the mommy thing.  That's been a roller coaster ride in itself.  I've been teaching and glanced over my shoulder at a noise and seen my 4 year old and 18 month old standing on the precipice of our office (aka teaching room) drinking juice and staring at me.....old enough to realize I'm not available to them....but also sooooo close.  I don't think they fully understand what is going on.  There are 4 year olds and 6 year olds and 9 year olds getting a lot of attention from Mommy and I won't invite them in.  So weird.  It's weird for me to hear the dog get loose upstairs and start tearing down the stairs to find the action while hearing the babysitter running after him throwing treats.  It's weird to glance out the window and see my kids going for a wagon ride down the street.  It's weird to be thinking of songs for my students while making my 10th grilled cheese sandwich of the week.  Those kinds of things are taking some adjustment.

But I love it.  I actually really do.  I feel busy, truly busy, unabashedly busy, actually too busy to call or email busy for the first time in years.  Who the hell starts an at-home business with a 4 year old and an 18 month old?!

I know I'm busy because I watched the Oscars the other night and laughed and relaxed and fell asleep before the big awards.  (Full disclosure- I think of myself as a tried and true feminist.)  The next day, I awoke to the scathing reviews of the sexist jokes and terribly awkward telecast and how they are setting women back and how it's a shame that these jokes are still allowed.  My first thought (albeit not very feminist of me) was 'who gives a crap?!'  I'm too tired, too busy and I don't care what a bunch of men in Hollywood think of me.  I  just don't care.  I know that the large majority of the Hollywood machine are trying to create really intriguing forms of art, tell interesting stories, feed their families and find their place in film history.  And that's when I realized I've moved into a new dimension of my life:  too tired to stay awake for the Presidential election results in November, too tired to give a crap what Bruce Vilanch (the head writer for the Oscars) has to say in any given February, too tired to do much of anything but care for my family and treat them and my students with the utmost respect and consideration that I possibly can.  I hope I'm able to teach my daughter and son two things in life about people: 1. Life is too damn short and you should be too busy to give a crap about what people think about you and 2. Treat everyone you meet with respect (not how YOU want to be treated but with a genuine, unearned, heartfelt respect-it will empower everyone involved).

Watching the Oscars made me realize I've really started the cross over into not caring what people think and teaching my new students has made me respect everyone I encounter in a new way.  I have a feeling that not thinking about the first will make me really good at the second.  And that's a satisfying way to spend your life...respecting every opportunity and not giving a crap about the rest.